So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
