My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
