I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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