You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
