it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize