Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
