How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
