you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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