I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
