smell my finger.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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