when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
