my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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