loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
