when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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