What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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