Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
