He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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