I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
