my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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