i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
