K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
