They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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