My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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