Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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