So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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