I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
