I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
