if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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