So drunk its hurt
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
