Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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