the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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