Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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