All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
