How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
