do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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