i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
