you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
