I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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