absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Couch. On fire.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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