Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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