This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
