wat bout pragnant strippers??
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's blow job season.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
