i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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