You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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