rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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