11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
