Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
