Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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