Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
