how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
