We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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