"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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