the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
