Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
