When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
