i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
