Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
