i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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