I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I am midnight drunk by noon
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
don't judge my taste in strippers
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
