Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
