No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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