smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
