If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
