I just cut my nipple shaving
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
