Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
