I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
