i think my mom watched the whole time
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
