That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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