Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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