that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
