We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
